Irrevocably Damaged
by LillianaSnape212
Summary: Set in Severus's Seventh years. Severus hears disturbing rumors. What do they have to do with Lily?  What will he do if they are true?


Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter universe, that honor belongs to JK Rowling.

Summary – Severus has been hearing rumors lately. Disturbing rumors, that he prays aren't correct. What will he do if they are?

A/N This is set during Severus' seventh year at Hogwarts.

I was listening to Michael Bolton's How Am I Suppose To Live Without You, and this is what popped up in my head. I hope you enjoy it!

A seventeen year old Severus was packing the rest of his belongings into his old beat up trunk. He was finally graduating from Hogwarts, having passed all of his NEWT's with no less than an E. He didn't have any idea what he was going to do after graduation, though he did have a few prospects. One thing he did know was that he was glad to be finally getting away from the Marauder's. Potter and Black got even more vicious and unbearable after that fateful day when he made the worst mistake of his life and called his precious Lily a mudblood. He tried time and again to apologize, but she wouldn't hear any of it. Their friendship had been irrevocably damaged from then on. Potter, being the usual arrogant prat that he was, took the chance and stole Lily away...permanently.

Lily and Potter started dating sixth year, and Severus was devastated at the news. He couldn't believe a beautiful, intelligent girl like Lily could fall for an arrogant prat like James Potter. How could she turn to her once best mate's enemy like that? Severus felt betrayed and he didn't know how to deal with it. So he did the next best thing. He began constantly hanging around with Avery, Mulciber, Rosier and Wilkes. He saw the glares Lily threw at him in the halls and felt vindicated and hurt all at the same time. He forcefully squashed the latter emotion, and glared right back.

But now, now Severus was hearing some disturbing rumors. He prayed that they weren't true...they couldn't be true. There was only one way to find out, so Severus put the last of his belongings in his trunk, locked and warded it, before briskly walking out of the Slytherin dorms. He made his way to the one place he knew he could find her alone. The Library.

There she was sitting like a fallen angel, leisurely reading a large book. She was just as beautiful as she was at nine, only more grown up and mature. A fire lit in Severus' abdomen as he watched the girl he had always loved, would always love. Lily. Brilliant red hair and intoxicating green eyes. James Potter didn't deserve her.

"Is it true?" Lily's head snapped up at his question. There was no warmth in her green eyes as she looked at him, only cold indifference. It hurt.

"What are you talking about Snape?"

"That you're marrying that prat Potter?" He asked, ignoring her harsh tone.

"What's it to you? We haven't spoken in two years. For good reason, might I add." Was her cold reply.

"I already apologized Lily. You know I didn't mean it. I was embarrassed." Severus pleaded. He flinched, visibly, at the low harsh laugh Lily emitted.

"Whatever Severus. Best mates don't call each other mudbloods, just because they're embarrassed."

Severus glared. "And best mates don't abandon each other for making mistakes." He growled, knowing he hit his mark when she flinched, and pain flickered in her gaze. "I'd just finished getting bullied by Potter and Black in front of the entire school. And not only that, I had to get rescued by a girl. It was pathetic...I was pathetic. My pride was hurt Lils, and I made a mistake."

"What about your friends, Severus?" Lily asked, not wanting to deal with the guilt she was feeling. She didn't want to admit to her mistake. "Calling James a mudblood lover, and me, his mudblood whore!"

"I can't control what they say or do, Lily. I've never said any of those things about you." Severus answered.

"No, but you hang around them, knowing how vile they are!" Lily yelled. It was a good thing she thought to put up a silencing charm earlier.

"What about Potter and Black!" Severus retorted. "They're just as vile. Bullying people...me, just because I exist. Because I'm not as rich as them, or as good looking. Almost getting me eaten by a bloody werewolf!" He bellowed. He had to calm himself down, the conversation was getting nowhere fast. "Just answer the question. Are the rumors true, are you engaged to Potter?" His dark onyx eyes pleaded with her. Begged that he was mistaken.

"Yes, they are true." Lily said, not unkindly. "James asked me to marry him. I love him, so I said yes."

Severus used all the control he possessed to contain the sob that tried to escape.

"But...but." He stuttered. 'How am I supposed to live without you,' he thought. It wasn't until Lily answered that he realized he had spoken aloud.

"The same way you've been doing for the past two years. Goodbye Severus." And she was gone. The only girl he loved since he first laid eyes on her.

Later that evening, Severus wrote a letter that would forever change the course of his life.

_Lucius,_

_Inform your associate that I have thought of his proposal and would like to graciously except. I look forward to a long and prosperous relationship._

_S.S_


End file.
